A number of books, articles and seminars have taken on the role of educating people on the different ways of associating with other people and building lasting relationships with them. There are several things that you can do when associating with other people.
One of these is to make them feel accepted. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, one of man’s basic needs is to feel a sense of belonging to a group. Man feels the sense of belonging in either small groups like a family and small circle of friends, or big groups like clubs, teams, associations, departments and parties.
People have to feel they belong and are needed. One way to convey acceptance of people’s ideas is by simply listening. Listening communicates the message that their thoughts are valued and their inputs are significant. It answers the very basic need to belong and provides a sense of importance.
Have you ever been in any of the following situations?
- While sharing an important insight, somebody would finish the sentence for you.
- While narrating what happened over the weekend, somebody would butt in and narrate a similar story.
- In a meeting, the boss would cut you short while you are still explaining your side.
- You ask your child about his day in school and he runs straight to his room.
- You wanted to discuss something with your spouse but he is busy watching football.
How did you feel? Not good, right? It’s as if you are taken for granted. It’s as if no one is listening to you and that you do not matter. It signifies that your thoughts, concerns, and ideas are not accepted.
At the onset of life, an infant can feel this sense of acceptance from a mother who touches and caresses him in a loving way. As he grows older, his sense of acceptance and importance now comes from other family members, friends, teachers, peers, bosses, office mates, spouse, children, etc. Every person needs to be accepted. It puts meaning to a person’s existence.
Imagine a life with total absence of acceptance. Envision the life of babies who were abandoned by their mothers. Imagine the effect this will have on the babies’ emotional well-being. It is very possible that these kids will grow up dejected and feeling discriminated. The effects of discrimination can result to resentment and, if uncontrolled, can result to violent tendencies.
The feeling of resentment that is harbored overtime can escalate to anger and hostility. When a person becomes hostile, violence erupts. The mere civil act of accepting a person “can make or break them,” as the saying goes.
Unconditional acceptance of other people’s thoughts, ideas, and concerns can yield favorable outcomes. Acceptance elicits cooperation and this leads to working towards a common goal. Acceptance yields positive and fruitful results. At the same time, you have raised the esteem, importance, and morale of the person to whom you have accorded respect and acceptance.
Acceptance must be done unconditionally. The giver should not expect anything in return. There should be “no strings attached” or no commitments to fulfill. To expect something in return defeats the purpose of making others like you. In fact, this may only breed resentment, for it would appear that you are manipulating people by forcing them into a situation they may not like in the future.
Be willing to accept other people’s ideas, thoughts, and inputs. You will harvest not only good results, but also the admiration and appreciation of others, as well.
10/31/2010
10/23/2010
Get Rid of Procrastination, Now!
For many people, putting off their work for later is more habit than desire. It can be so hard to get into a groove where starting your tasks in a timely fashion is a priority, especially if the consequences for being late are things that one can probably bear.
Do you put off your work for later, only to find your deadlines steadily creeping in? Then you, my friend, are one of the millions of people afflicted by the procrastination virus.
Procrastination is the biggest reason for loss of productivity and late output. Though many would not admit it, they would benefit greatly if they start their work on time.
If you are one of these people, yet you desire to shake off your propensity for procrastination, then you have come to the right place. Here are a few tips to help you overcome this dilemma and become a more productive and reliable person.
1. Set schedules – It is very important that you have a list of activities to accomplish per day. This will help you realistically budget your time and resources. One of the cardinal sins people commit in regards to performing their tasks is to put off their work because they feel like there is so much time left. A journal, organizer, or calendar of events will help you plan and schedule your task so that you can start them promptly and finish them on time.
2. Save the Vacation for Later – Many people put their work off for later saying, “I'll just have a little fun then buckle down to work later.” While it may be true that they may have more than enough time to accomplish their tasks, it would be better if they finished their work first and relax afterwards.
It's always better to have slack period AFTER a job than before one, especially considering that people are wont to overusing their slack time. This is suicide if you are heading towards a deadline.
3. Never Underestimate Your Tasks – Sometimes procrastination sets in because people underestimate the resources, difficulty, and time spent for a particular task. They will usually say, “It's just mowing the lawn, its easy; I could do it in a jiffy.” The problem is, no matter how trivial the task, it still takes time and resources to accomplish. If you underestimate a task, you will most likely set too little time to do it and schedule it too close to its deadline.
4. Don't Get Comfortable Doing Nothing – It would definitely help if you kept a subconscious alarm whenever you are doing nothing. Get this alarm to remind you of things that may need to be done. This will help you foster the notion that jobs accomplished now means more time for relaxation later.
However, even if this is the case, do not forget to put ample time in for rest and to remove all thoughts of troubles before hitting the sack. The trick here, however, is not to overdo your rest. There is a difference between resting and idling. Always set the right amount of time for rest and stick to that schedule.
Do you put off your work for later, only to find your deadlines steadily creeping in? Then you, my friend, are one of the millions of people afflicted by the procrastination virus.
Procrastination is the biggest reason for loss of productivity and late output. Though many would not admit it, they would benefit greatly if they start their work on time.
If you are one of these people, yet you desire to shake off your propensity for procrastination, then you have come to the right place. Here are a few tips to help you overcome this dilemma and become a more productive and reliable person.
1. Set schedules – It is very important that you have a list of activities to accomplish per day. This will help you realistically budget your time and resources. One of the cardinal sins people commit in regards to performing their tasks is to put off their work because they feel like there is so much time left. A journal, organizer, or calendar of events will help you plan and schedule your task so that you can start them promptly and finish them on time.
2. Save the Vacation for Later – Many people put their work off for later saying, “I'll just have a little fun then buckle down to work later.” While it may be true that they may have more than enough time to accomplish their tasks, it would be better if they finished their work first and relax afterwards.
It's always better to have slack period AFTER a job than before one, especially considering that people are wont to overusing their slack time. This is suicide if you are heading towards a deadline.
3. Never Underestimate Your Tasks – Sometimes procrastination sets in because people underestimate the resources, difficulty, and time spent for a particular task. They will usually say, “It's just mowing the lawn, its easy; I could do it in a jiffy.” The problem is, no matter how trivial the task, it still takes time and resources to accomplish. If you underestimate a task, you will most likely set too little time to do it and schedule it too close to its deadline.
4. Don't Get Comfortable Doing Nothing – It would definitely help if you kept a subconscious alarm whenever you are doing nothing. Get this alarm to remind you of things that may need to be done. This will help you foster the notion that jobs accomplished now means more time for relaxation later.
However, even if this is the case, do not forget to put ample time in for rest and to remove all thoughts of troubles before hitting the sack. The trick here, however, is not to overdo your rest. There is a difference between resting and idling. Always set the right amount of time for rest and stick to that schedule.
10/20/2010
Learn to Solve Your Problems
At times, we have more problems than joy. Fortunately, some people are skilled in handling problems. Want to know their secrets?
Carefree people have one thing in common: optimism. This does not mean they never have problems. Try remembering a colleague, a relative, a friend, or someone from your community who has a bright smile from the beginning until the end of the day. How many times did you see that person frown? Carefree people are fun to be with because their attitude is contagious. Ask them how they carry their problems so lightly. They may tell you their secrets:
1. Control your feelings by separating negative feelings from positive thoughts. This is the first step in solving problems. Only after you have cleared your mind with unnecessary thoughts can you start solving your problems accordingly.
2. Treat each problem as a challenge and opportunity for self-improvement.
3. Free that scapegoat attitude. Are you pointing your finger or blaming others for mishaps? Take responsibilities for your mistakes. No one is perfect, so never put the blames on others.
4. Use a pen and paper, and rate the depth of the problem and possible answers to your problem.
5. Keep a journal and treat it as a “secret friend” who is always willing to listen to your grievances. Write your feelings freely.
6. Develop a noteworthy hobby. This will help you lessen or minimize stress in your life.
7. Take time off from work and create variations of your daily schedule. Relax and check out the best movies in town. Travel and meet new wonderful people. You will find these activities worthwhile in the long run.
The above tips will help you optimize those positive feelings of yours. Say you are already consumed by some problems. Here are the 1-2-3 steps in doing your problem solving:
1. Determine the root cause of the problem. If you think it is difficult, ask hundreds of why’s and what’s and you will soon find out the cause.
2. Think, strategize, and act for resolution.
3. Develop a strong desire to solve the problem.
4. Review the situation for you to avoid repeating the same mistakes committed beforehand.
Consider that everybody experiences low spirits many times, but problems are problems. Problems are created when you cannot accept your limitations. Once you accept your limitations, problem solving is just a 1-2-3 step, hassle-free, and a life-sharpening experience indeed.
10/17/2010
Self Improvement: Scheduling Your Success
People always have an excuse for not being successful or not doing the things that they should be doing in order to be successful. And, one of the most popular excuses is not having enough time.
If you always use this excuse, then remember that everyone has exactly the same amount of time each day and there are people who become successful. The key to success is what you do with the time you have. That's what really matters.
This is called scheduling your success. Basically, scheduling your success is about making time for the things you should do or tasks that you know that will make you successful. In order for you to do the tasks that you really need to do in order for you to become successful, you have to make time for it. This is why you need to set aside some time that you should dedicate to doing the things that need to be done.
This concept is called time blocking. This means that you need to block out portions of your time to do a particular task. So, if you time block high level activities, and you do it consistently, you'll be amazed as to the level of success that you make. Time blocking can definitely help you get things done in a much efficient way.
If you get things done, you will be much more organized. Keep in mind that you should get things done way before the deadline. This will certainly add to your success.
If you have a small business, running it is only a part of making it successful. What you really need to do is to sell your products and services and also market your business. Running the business is for managers. They will take care of everything there is about managing your business. Your role as the owner of the business is to sell or market your business.
Time blocking is very efficient. In fact, you will be surprised as to how much work you will be able to get done in just a matter of 30 minutes. Being productive does not mean that you need to work like a slave. What being productive means is that you are doing the things necessary in order for you to become successful and take you closer to your goals.
If you always use this excuse, then remember that everyone has exactly the same amount of time each day and there are people who become successful. The key to success is what you do with the time you have. That's what really matters.
This is called scheduling your success. Basically, scheduling your success is about making time for the things you should do or tasks that you know that will make you successful. In order for you to do the tasks that you really need to do in order for you to become successful, you have to make time for it. This is why you need to set aside some time that you should dedicate to doing the things that need to be done.
This concept is called time blocking. This means that you need to block out portions of your time to do a particular task. So, if you time block high level activities, and you do it consistently, you'll be amazed as to the level of success that you make. Time blocking can definitely help you get things done in a much efficient way.
If you get things done, you will be much more organized. Keep in mind that you should get things done way before the deadline. This will certainly add to your success.
If you have a small business, running it is only a part of making it successful. What you really need to do is to sell your products and services and also market your business. Running the business is for managers. They will take care of everything there is about managing your business. Your role as the owner of the business is to sell or market your business.
Time blocking is very efficient. In fact, you will be surprised as to how much work you will be able to get done in just a matter of 30 minutes. Being productive does not mean that you need to work like a slave. What being productive means is that you are doing the things necessary in order for you to become successful and take you closer to your goals.
10/15/2010
Turbo Charge Your Personal Development - Part Two
Part Two
After you finish your personal development program and it is locked in your long term memory, it's time to put it into action. Follow the exact same system you used to finish the program in the first place.
1. Find someone to be accountable to implementing the new information in your life.
2. Set up the days you will work on implementing the system.
3. Write down the key thing you did to implement the new information on that day.
4. Share your progress reports with your Accountability Buddy.
5. Celebrate your success and review your progress reports when complete.
If the new information you learned will take a long time to implement, feel free to break it down into parts so you can celebrate on the way and review your progress.
Now get accountable and get yourself going.
... Richard
After you finish your personal development program and it is locked in your long term memory, it's time to put it into action. Follow the exact same system you used to finish the program in the first place.
1. Find someone to be accountable to implementing the new information in your life.
2. Set up the days you will work on implementing the system.
3. Write down the key thing you did to implement the new information on that day.
4. Share your progress reports with your Accountability Buddy.
5. Celebrate your success and review your progress reports when complete.
If the new information you learned will take a long time to implement, feel free to break it down into parts so you can celebrate on the way and review your progress.
Now get accountable and get yourself going.
... Richard
10/13/2010
Turbo Charge Your Personal Development - Part One
Get 90% more from your current and future personal development programs using a system that not only makes sure you listen and finish the program, but extracts the key points that will make the most impact in your life.
Let's say You have just purchased your next personal development program / book, so now what do you do? They say only 10% of the people even get past the first CD/ Tape/ chapter, let alone finish.
Would you like to know how to get at least 90% more from all of the personal development programs you have just purchased? And no, I won’t tell you to just listen to them 5 times.
Yes, that would increase your results, but not as much as what I am going to share. Besides who has the time to listen to their programs 5 times?
How about getting more out of the first time?
Let’s say you are one of the few people that actually gets to the end of one of those personal development programs. How would you like to have a system to guarantee that you implement all the great stuff you just learned? How many times have you heard some really great ideas, only to find yourself 4 weeks later not applying any of it?
Your first step is to setup a system to insure you actually finish the program. It will do you no good if you never hear the message. These steps might seem cumbersome, however in part Two of this article, I will introduce you to a tool that will make these steps easier.
The first step is to be Accountable to someone that you will finish the program. Now this is a very easy step to brush off, but committing to someone else will send a very powerful message to your subconscious mind and clear away a lot of the future mental hiccups.
Tell your Accountability Buddy when you will complete this program and that you will be giving them weekly updates on your progress. I will explain what you will put in those weekly progress reports below.
Now you have a system in place to give you the best chance of completing your personal development program. It's time to start. Choose a schedule of when you want to learn the program.
Each day you scheduled yourself to listen to the program, write down a Yes or No to the question, “Did I listen to my personal development program today?” Use a spiral bound steno-pad or notebook so that you don't lose your notes.
Next, write down the most important piece of information about the program you learned.
These two pieces of information are going to be what is in the progress reports you give your Accountability Buddy each week. Once you complete the program, review your progress reports and celebrate your victory with your Accountability Buddy.
Why does this work?
There are a couple of forces at play here. The first is being accountable to someone else. We all want to look good to our friends, so being on the hook to complete the program will definitely get us to extend ourselves. We might not be 100%, but we will definitely get much more done than if we didn’t employ our Accountability Buddy.
The next force at play is tracking what we are doing. No longer will life be a blur of events that get lost in the past. We will have a very specific history of where we are slipping and we will have the chance to make course corrections along the way.
We all make mistakes and slip up sometimes. It is only when we have no clue as to when it is happening that we can find ourselves in deep trouble.
Lastly, you are employing a system of super learning called spaced repetition to lock the new information into your long term memory. First, you listen to the material. Later that day, you write down the most important point anchoring that information in your mind.
Upon completion of the program, you lock the information in your long term memory with your final review, not to mention, it is always there if your need a quick refresh.
Part Two coming in the next post - look for it right here tomorrow.
... Richard
Let's say You have just purchased your next personal development program / book, so now what do you do? They say only 10% of the people even get past the first CD/ Tape/ chapter, let alone finish.
Would you like to know how to get at least 90% more from all of the personal development programs you have just purchased? And no, I won’t tell you to just listen to them 5 times.
Yes, that would increase your results, but not as much as what I am going to share. Besides who has the time to listen to their programs 5 times?
How about getting more out of the first time?
Let’s say you are one of the few people that actually gets to the end of one of those personal development programs. How would you like to have a system to guarantee that you implement all the great stuff you just learned? How many times have you heard some really great ideas, only to find yourself 4 weeks later not applying any of it?
Your first step is to setup a system to insure you actually finish the program. It will do you no good if you never hear the message. These steps might seem cumbersome, however in part Two of this article, I will introduce you to a tool that will make these steps easier.
The first step is to be Accountable to someone that you will finish the program. Now this is a very easy step to brush off, but committing to someone else will send a very powerful message to your subconscious mind and clear away a lot of the future mental hiccups.
Tell your Accountability Buddy when you will complete this program and that you will be giving them weekly updates on your progress. I will explain what you will put in those weekly progress reports below.
Now you have a system in place to give you the best chance of completing your personal development program. It's time to start. Choose a schedule of when you want to learn the program.
Each day you scheduled yourself to listen to the program, write down a Yes or No to the question, “Did I listen to my personal development program today?” Use a spiral bound steno-pad or notebook so that you don't lose your notes.
Next, write down the most important piece of information about the program you learned.
These two pieces of information are going to be what is in the progress reports you give your Accountability Buddy each week. Once you complete the program, review your progress reports and celebrate your victory with your Accountability Buddy.
Why does this work?
There are a couple of forces at play here. The first is being accountable to someone else. We all want to look good to our friends, so being on the hook to complete the program will definitely get us to extend ourselves. We might not be 100%, but we will definitely get much more done than if we didn’t employ our Accountability Buddy.
The next force at play is tracking what we are doing. No longer will life be a blur of events that get lost in the past. We will have a very specific history of where we are slipping and we will have the chance to make course corrections along the way.
We all make mistakes and slip up sometimes. It is only when we have no clue as to when it is happening that we can find ourselves in deep trouble.
Lastly, you are employing a system of super learning called spaced repetition to lock the new information into your long term memory. First, you listen to the material. Later that day, you write down the most important point anchoring that information in your mind.
Upon completion of the program, you lock the information in your long term memory with your final review, not to mention, it is always there if your need a quick refresh.
Part Two coming in the next post - look for it right here tomorrow.
... Richard
10/12/2010
Working with Difficult People - 3 Questions to Help You Turn Your Tormentors into Teachers
How do you turn a tormentor into a teacher? Begin by asking yourself some questions about who they are and why they behave the way they do.
•Who is this person away from the workplace? See the different parts of this person – the parent, grandparent, friend, dancer, skier, singer, or loved one (of someone!). Chances are you’re only seeing the annoying part of your tormentor. Widen your perspective.
•What is their positive intention? Underneath the disrespectful behavior, what do they really want? Respect? Independence? Control? Acknowledgement? Attention? You may realize that you have similar goals, though you seek them differently.
•Why do you think they behave as they do? It’s useful to adopt the attitude that their actions have little (if anything) to do with you. Most people operate out of habit. Even if they don’t get the respect or attention they desire, they can’t change because they don’t know any other way. Maybe it falls to you to help them find it. Suggest ways they might achieve their aims more effectively. Be their teacher.
True Power As you read this article, think of someone with whom your "dance" feels like a struggle. Then, instead of wishing they would change, start with yourself. It doesn't mean you're wrong, at fault, or need to change your opinion. It means that in order to resolve the conflict it works better to begin with what you can control – you.
Remember that you’re doing this for you. You're stuck and you want to get unstuck. Like your tormentor, you've been taking actions that aren’t working, so try something new. When your well-being depends upon the actions of others, you inadvertently give them power. But with awareness and practice, you can make new choices about how you respond to the difficult people and situations in your life – and take the power back.
Our project manager and his employee will have more opportunities to dance with conflict as their relationship changes and grows. Thanks to the manager’s willingness to try something new, they’ve discovered common ground from which to begin the process.
We all have challenging people in our lives. Will they be tormentors or teachers? Our perspective greatly influences our response.
•Who is this person away from the workplace? See the different parts of this person – the parent, grandparent, friend, dancer, skier, singer, or loved one (of someone!). Chances are you’re only seeing the annoying part of your tormentor. Widen your perspective.
•What is their positive intention? Underneath the disrespectful behavior, what do they really want? Respect? Independence? Control? Acknowledgement? Attention? You may realize that you have similar goals, though you seek them differently.
•Why do you think they behave as they do? It’s useful to adopt the attitude that their actions have little (if anything) to do with you. Most people operate out of habit. Even if they don’t get the respect or attention they desire, they can’t change because they don’t know any other way. Maybe it falls to you to help them find it. Suggest ways they might achieve their aims more effectively. Be their teacher.
True Power As you read this article, think of someone with whom your "dance" feels like a struggle. Then, instead of wishing they would change, start with yourself. It doesn't mean you're wrong, at fault, or need to change your opinion. It means that in order to resolve the conflict it works better to begin with what you can control – you.
Remember that you’re doing this for you. You're stuck and you want to get unstuck. Like your tormentor, you've been taking actions that aren’t working, so try something new. When your well-being depends upon the actions of others, you inadvertently give them power. But with awareness and practice, you can make new choices about how you respond to the difficult people and situations in your life – and take the power back.
Our project manager and his employee will have more opportunities to dance with conflict as their relationship changes and grows. Thanks to the manager’s willingness to try something new, they’ve discovered common ground from which to begin the process.
We all have challenging people in our lives. Will they be tormentors or teachers? Our perspective greatly influences our response.
10/03/2010
We're back - sorry for the absence
Hello friends. Our past few months were lost to some medical issues, but we are back and hope to continue our posts.
Those months were not completely lost. Quite a few new eCourses were created and added to our Directory of FREE eCourses.
Lots of hot topics - hope you have a chance to check them out.
Find what you like and sign up for as many as you wish. Here's the link -
FREE eCourse Directory
Talk with you soon
Richard Rossbauer
Those months were not completely lost. Quite a few new eCourses were created and added to our Directory of FREE eCourses.
Lots of hot topics - hope you have a chance to check them out.
Find what you like and sign up for as many as you wish. Here's the link -
FREE eCourse Directory
Talk with you soon
Richard Rossbauer
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